Hesitation
by Jupiter Queen
Summary: Starfire and Raven learn that homesickness has its complexities. (One-shot.)


_**A/N**_ _: I'm back with my second TT fic, this time with a healthy dose of Raven and Starfire. I really enjoy the dynamics of their friendship, so that was something I wanted to explore in this one-shot._

 _I also like writing about Tamaranean culture. It's fun to expand on a world that already exists, you know?_ _Anyhow, I hope you enjoy this one-shot!_

* * *

Lonely. Nostalgic. Wistful. Guilty.

Starfire felt all those things when she thought about Tamaran today. There was this desire within her to reconnect with her home planet and her people, but this was not an option—not while the Titans remained busier than ever. Ever since Tokyo, the Titans skyrocketed in both popularity and necessity.

With all of the difficulties that accompanied crime-fighting being hurled her way, she desired a moment to take a deep breath of oxygen and express the troubles stirring in her soul.

But Robin—her beloved Robin—was busy writing up crime reports, a downside of the recent spike in criminal activity. She did not wish to intrude on him.

Beast Boy and Cyborg were too busy playing video games in the living room, competing to see who was "the master of _Extraterrestrial Invasion_." The game was a little too xenophobic for her tastes.

With the three guys of the tower being ruled out, that only left Raven, who was nowhere to be found. Sighing, Starfire figured it was best to allow Raven to reveal herself, rather than go on a tower-wide hunt for her.

She decided to find solace within the sun, floating to the next best place—the roof—to daydream of Tamaranian festivities.

After going up there, she found that she was not alone in the desire to sit along the rooftop's edge.

She quietly took a seat beside Raven and stared at the afternoon sky, so brilliantly blue. The Earth's evening sunsets resembled Tamaran's "afternoon" sky. (They didn't keep track of time the same way Earthlings did.) The colors of Tamaran's sky favored the Creamsicles that Robin had a penchant for every now and then. She longed to see it in reality again, not just in her fantasies.

A few moments flew by before Starfire could no longer suppress her desire for conversation.

"Raven, do you ever feel the homesickness about Azarath?"

Raven slowly closed her novel and placed it aside. Her homeworld hadn't been mentioned to her since… "What's bothering you about Tamaran?" she asked, quick to alter the course of the impending conversation.

"Today is the Tamaranean celebration known as _soturi j'uhla_ , which roughly translates to _warrior festival_. It is a banquet which honors Tamaran's fiercest fighters. I have been informed that _k'norfka_ Galfore is among the honored this year." Star sighed. "How I miss Tamaran so dearly. Today has only served to remind me of this."

As Raven took a good look at the troubled teammate beside her, she felt an overwhelming presence of insecurity. She raised an eyebrow. "There's more to this story, isn't it?" she deadpanned.

Starfire nodded before bittersweetly grinning. "I cannot hide my true feelings from you, can I?"

Raven's lips hinted at a grin. "I'm an empath. I don't think I can _stop_ sensing feelings."

"Perhaps it is best if you continue." Her smile faded into a frown. "When I think of _soturi j'uhla_ and the very warrior-centric culture of my people, I cannot help but wonder if I 'measure up.' Would Tamaran one day recognize me as a fighter just as great as Galfore? Or am I just not good enough?"

"Starfire, don't be ridiculous. You're a great fighter. Tamaran would be foolish not to recognize you."

"But if I am not worthy, then who would be the fool?" She hung her head low. "I spend so much time here now that I do not know what my fellow people may think of me. Do not misinterpret me, though: I adore my newfound ties to Earth, but… I have sorely neglected my home."

"I'm sure your people love you just as much as you love them. And if your heart isn't here, you should spend time there for a while. It's only right."

Star lifted her head. "You make it sound so simple." She paused, considering what it would be like to set responsibilities aside in favor of traversing Tamaranean landscapes, being one with her people again. "But sacrificing even an Earthen week would mean sacrificing a lot." She looked away.

"Look, if you're concerned about what Robin would think, just talk to him. I'm sure that if he knew you needed to be in the right headspace to contribute more to the team, he'd respect that." Upon recalling a major incident, Raven added, "After that mess with him hallucinating about Slade, I'm pretty sure he'd advocate for good team mental health anyways."

"You are right. I should not be so afraid to talk to him." She smiled. "Perhaps I shall bring it up during our date night this Saturday." Even through all the turmoil affecting the city, they still found time for each other, something she was most grateful for. She reached out and touched Raven's hand. "Thank you for your help. I greatly appreciate it."

Raven never flinched or recoiled. "Anytime, Starfire."

As the gloom of indecision, insecurity, and guilty left Starfire, she soon recalled the question that opened the conversation. "Oh, I remember something now! I am curious: Does the homesickness ever plague you regarding Azarath? I cannot be the only one affected, right?"

Raven moved her hand away from Starfire, instead placing it on her own arm. Her mind fought between whether it was best to finally reveal her feelings or keep denying them in hopes that she wouldn't have to encounter it again. Her eyes studied the hurt on Starfire's face, lingering from when Raven denied Starfire's touch.

"I did not mean to offend you," Starfire added, remorsefully.

"No, you didn't. I'm just being cold." She sighed, ready to cave. "You see, I hadn't talked about Azarath since the…"

Alarms blared throughout the tower, able to be heard upon the rooftops.

"It appears we must take a 'rain check,'" Starfire noted before swiftly flying back indoors.

This time, Raven's sigh was grounded in relief.

* * *

As she sat on her bed, Starfire gently stroked Silkie, coaxing purring sounds from her beloved pet.

"Oh, my little _bungorf_ , how I love you so." Upon hearing him coo, she smiled. "You make such wondrous sounds, almost as enchanting as those from Robin." She giggled at the thought of him.

Just as Silkie rolled over in her lap, wanting to be tickled on his stomach, someone knocked on Starfire's door.

"You may enter!" she called in a joyous tone.

The door slid open and revealed Raven, who stepped inside the room.

"Hey, Starfire. Mind if I"—she hesitated—"talk to you?"

"I do not mind at all." She placed Silkie on the floor before patting the space beside her on her bed. "There is enough space here for the both of us."

Raven sat on Star's bed and thought about the battle that had transpired earlier, when the Titans took on an escaped Cinderblock and Plasmus in downtown Jump City. "After seeing you fight earlier, at least when I wasn't almost about to get battered by a brick wall, I saw a true fighter." And that wasn't something she admitted often. "You take teamwork seriously, you protect those you care about, and you give it your all. You're a girl—a _warrior_ —that Tamaran should be proud of."

"Oh, Raven, that means so much to hear that from you. I greatly appreciate you. I must admit, though: I never knew you analyzed that much from our battles."

She played coy. "I'm perceptive. I just don't tell many people about it."

Starfire smiled, taking a moment to celebrate her friendship before she noticed something. Raven appeared to be _nervous_. "Something is bothering you?"

She looked puzzled.

"You seem to be withholding something. Just because I am not an empath does not mean I cannot sense a friend with a repressed message."

"You're really clever. And I guess I'm predictable." She grimaced and gave in. "You might already know Azarath and I have a complicated history. It's my birthplace, technically my first home, but I hadn't talked about it since my father"—that word left a horrid taste in her mouth—"tried to end the world through me. When I went there the last time, it was just some horrible trick that he played on me. It wasn't really there; it was just an illusion. I can't lie and say that I don't miss Azarath, but I don't know how I would react if I went back, only to find that it still isn't there. I know that defeating my father probably saved it from the illusion he cast, but I can't risk it."

Even without empathic powers, Starfire felt Raven's hurt and confusion. "Oh, Raven, I completely understand. If I was in the same predicament with Tamaran, _X'hal_ knows how afraid I would be."

Raven sighed. "I know you, Star. You wouldn't let your fear paralyze you. If you were me, you would already know its fate for certain by now." Her mind settled upon taking action. "Maybe I should prepare myself to find out. I need to go back, to find out the truth and put myself at ease. It's the least I could do."

Starfire held Raven's hand. "No matter what you choose to do, I am here for you."

She grinned. "Thanks, Star. Just know that whether you're on Earth or Tamaran, I'm here for you, too."

Starfire abandoned holding hands in favor of a bear hug. "Oh, thank you, Raven! Your friendship means so much to me."

Raven simply eased into the hug, never flinching or recoiling. "And yours means a lot to me, too."

"We shall keep up with each other when I go back to Tamaran, right?" she asked.

"Of course. We'll find a way."

"Then it is decided," Starfire said before ending their embrace. "I think I will talk to Robin tonight instead."

"What happened to Saturday?" Raven asked.

Star smiled. "My best friend reminded me that I cannot live in fear."

* * *

 _ **A/N** : I hope this story captured your interest! Hopefully I can publish more stories like this in the future_— _hint, hint._

 _To give credit where it's due, a moment between Raven and Beast Boy in Kryalla Orchid's amazing fic "Locked Hearts" inspired how I wrote Raven's sentiments about Azarath._


End file.
